Christmas Messages

I know, I know, it's a wee bit past Christmas.  Mine was lovely.  Here's what I wrote while I didn't have wi-fi...


The main reason I had the idea to write about the messages in stories is an episode of House M.D. (Season 4, Episode 10: It's a Wonderful Lie) where House says, “Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person. And nothing pisses off a person more than being shoved in the wrong pigeonhole.” That seemed so deep and profound to me that I have thought of little else since. I thought of it as I bought gifts for others, and I thought of it as I opened the gifts that I received. I thought about whether my family really knows me and I thought about if the man I'm seeing really knows me. I didn't torture myself with it, because its just one marker of the health of a relationship.




I have also recently come to the conclusion that others give us what they themselves want. Don't take that too literally, because there is a lot wrong with that statement. However, if you see (or are in) a relationship where there is a clear mis-distribution of power (from The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: “The one who loves the least is the one with all the power.”), watch what they do for each other...watch what they give to each other. The one who initiates physical contact the majority of the time, even that hello kiss, is the one who will end up heartbroken. The one who gives to the other little things all the time...little gifts, brings them a favorite drink-candy-whatever little token, is the one who you can expect to lose. It's loving and thoughtful to reach out and to think of the other person when they aren't with you, but if they aren't doing the same, then you are doing too much.




I think that House is right. If you can't gift someone something that shows that you know them and what they like or want or wish they could get themselves, then what's the point. We give gifts to show that we care for others and that they are important in our lives. A gift that has been thoughtfully chosen shows that we care. Part B is: Be careful with your heart, because if you give a great deal more than what is given back to you then you will lose.

Messages

I have noticed that most stories, in general, have a message that they wish to convey. Not quite the same as a parable that's meant to teach, but a general idea that is kind of the “aha!” moment for someone in the story or for the reader/viewer. It may just be how the story applies to the reader/viewer's life.  As I've mentioned, I have a thing for House, M.D. so I thought I'd dig a little deeper into the messages that those stories give to the public.  It doesn't seem to be in every show. Or maybe I just don't get all the messages. That doesn't mean that they aren't enjoyable episodes, just that I didn't take home any thoughts after watching them.

Horses, Not Zebras
When looking for answers...to a medical condition...or to basically anything, look for the common rather than the uncommon. Its more likely to be eczema than the black plague. It is more likely that the bratty toddler needs a nap than that he has a food allergy. It is more likely to be car lights shining in your window than aliens invading.

You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need ~Mick Jagger
In the movie 28 Days, Sandra Bullock is an addict in rehab where they give her a sign to wear that says “Confront me if I don't ask for help!” Its true. Many people are so busy with their own struggle that they don't have the sense to say to someone else, “help me” with whatever. Sadder still is that sometimes when people do have the sense to ask others for help...others are too deep in their own struggle and can't hear the request for help. I've been guilty of needing that sign. I've been afraid or too full of pride to ask for help. And I've asked for help that has gone unheard. I've probably been on the flip side of that where I was asked for help but didn't recognize that I was being asked anything. I've been scolded and told that the answer is to keep asking and to get louder about it until I am heard. I don't think that it would help because if people are too __________ (whatever, busy, stoned, disconnected, etc.) to hear the first request, then usually they will continue to be unable to hear.

Truth begins in lies...
House believes that everybody lies. He's probably right. People lie for a multitude of reasons. And if you need to see through the lies, a good place to start is to look at what the lie was about and who it was supposed to protect.

Its not what people say, its what they do...
In the Pilot episode of House, the patient asks Wilson if House is his friend. Wilson says “House says he's my friend.” The patient says, “Its not what people say, its what they do.” To which Wilson responds, “He's my friend.” I've been in this place, where I've had to question what was real...someone's words or their actions. I think that sometimes we don't see what others do for us. So we don't know that their actions are showing us something. I think that the quote, “If your words and actions don't match then one of them is wrong.” is more true. If you wonder if you are being taken for a ride by someone, look at what they say and what they do. Are they hurting you but claiming that they do everything for you? Then run. Are they clueless about how to show the love that they feel? Then give them some guidance rather than running from someone who really may love you.

We all make mistakes...and we pay the price.
In one of the season one episodes, a woman gets African sleeping sickness by cheating on her husband with someone who is infected. When the husband finds out, he leaves the patient. The patient says to House, “He's not coming back, is he?” House replies, “No. We all make mistakes and we pay the price.” This is pretty much the same idea that The Peaceful Warrior encourages. "Every action has it's price and it's pleasure, recognizing both sides, a warrior becomes realistic and responsible for his actions."  I've made lots of decisions based on that theory.  If the price is too high, then the pleasure isn't worth it.

Life is hard. Try. Try to see those that need help, and help them. Try to see through the lies to the misguided intention of protecting your feelings. Try to see the good in people. But also, if someone seems to be carrying your bad luck in their right hand, then they probably don't have your best interest at heart. If someone close to you never hears your needs, never reaches out to you when you need someone near, then question their actions. And if someone is lying to you to protect themselves from your anger, then confront them. More tomorrow, thanks for reading.

Peaceful Days

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Now I have to admit that any holiday that focuses on a feast is my idea of fun. My friend's Thanksgiving menu had: turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, twice baked potatoes with shrimp, bacon wrapped asparagus, "meat stuffing" (ground pork, chopped bacon, ham, green olives, celery, and scallions), ambrosia (fruit salad with marshmallows and whipped cream), rolls, apple pie with ice cream, pineapple upside down cake, mango upside down cake, prunes stuffed with walnuts and sweetened condensed milk, buñuelos (light and crispy fried pastry with cinnamon and sugar topping), fresh fruits, walnuts, and mini chocolate bars. This is a very large family, so a lot of food was necessary, but this was more food than I'd seen in a long time (especially with the power outage and the boredom of canned food). I quickly asked how to make the meat stuffing (which I would really classify as a savory minced meat) and got the ingredients but I'll have to guess on measurements. The mango upside down cake was explained to me, but it was more complicated than just mixing some things together, so I didn't quite grasp it, especially since I've never made an upside down cake on purpose. I'll have to ask again when I have a paper and pen, because it was divine.

So on Thursday I had a glorious feast and fun with a large loud family that I adore. I expected that Friday would just be a recovery day from all that eating, but it was my birthday. Aside from sleeping in late, yummy leftovers, and having a very peaceful day, I got a sweet phone call from grandson1 and my daughter and a balloon and a lovely maroon sweater from my ??? (you know, it's complicated).

Today its back to job hunting. But I hope that there are many more peaceful days ahead. Each day is looking better, more positive.

I Am Me by Virginia Satir

I Am Me
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me
Everything that comes out of me is authentically me
Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,
Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fantasies,
My dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and
Successes, all my failures and mistakes Because I own all of
Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing
I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts -I know
There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
Aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am
Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
And for ways to find out more about me - However I
Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
Me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me - I own me, and
therefore I can engineer me - I am me and
I AM OKAY

(Virginia Satir 1975)

(American Psychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)

My Highs and Lows of the Past Month - DWC Day 30

Lows:

• Continued unemployment
  
• Every un-payable bill that came through my mailbox
  
• Family loss of an elderly cousin
  
• Dogs breaking the gate and getting out when we're racing off to a baby shower.
  
• Phone calls from creditors.
  
• A friend getting upset with me for only doing Facebook invitations to the baby shower.
  
• Fights with the boyfriend.
  
• Eviction notice.
  

Highs:

• Well done, successful baby shower for my daughter
  
• Figured out what my boyfriend and I were really fighting about and made up
  
• Discovery of the wonderful cleaning abilities of vinegar
  
• When my phone flew off the roof of the car at 35 mph and survived!!!!
  
• Helping my daughter prepare and decorate the bedroom for her and the kids.
  
• Taco Bells Smothered Burrito
  
• The car financier allowing a deferment for August's payment.
  
• Callie and Mama kitty's kittens
  
• Grandson2's healthy birth
  
• Completing the 30 day writing challenge
  
  
  

Goals For the Next 30 Days - DWC Day 29

I have the map from where I want to be in ten years. So logically, my goals for the next 30 days should somehow inch me closer to that Utopia. Also logically I should continue to set goals every 30 days to help me see where I've been and where I'm going.

Goals for the next 30 days:

• Health and Well-being
  
  • Plan 7 breakfasts that focus on fruits and vegetables as the center of the meal.
    
  • Walk/exercise for ½ an hour every day.
    

• Travel
  
  • Plan the details of a trip just for myself.
    

• Just for Fun
  
  • Clean up and add to music selections on my phone and computer so I can have music wherever I go.
    

• Spiritual Development
  
  • Write out a daily ritual with time for me to think and review my life, and express prayers and gratitude.
    

• Family and Relationships
  
  • Make plans for Halloween. Think about traditions to keep for every Halloween.
    
  • Plan activities for scheduled time with my lover, my children, and my grandchildren in the future when I have enough money to do the activities.
    
  • Make a list of little ways to show My Love love everyday.
    

• Environment
  
  • Work daily on improving the house I live in now: clean, get rid of things, pack to move.
    
  • Create a housework plan that includes the people that are at the house half-time.
    

• Business
  
  • Keep applying for standard jobs.
    
  • Write every day.
    

• Personal Development
  
  • Continue to practice Spanish daily.
    
    
    

Something That I Miss - DWC Day 28

I had to think hard here because I have kept many of my emotions about things lost to fire, breakage, and theft in check by assuring myself that it's people that are important, not things.  Things can be replaced.  Even expensive things can eventually be replaced.  In the past year we have replaced a lost car and two lost computers.  I still miss my guitar, my mother's Christmas ornaments and dishes (that aren't replaceable), and a bigger house that I could call my own.  But on to today's subject...

I miss VCR's and all the uses of a VCR. (Admittedly I still have one that has to be cleaned after every two or three videos, but I wish I could get a new one and videos to go with it.) We could record shows and watch them a million times. We could record the news if something significant occurred or a commercial if we thought it was cute or fun or useful to teach with. The VCR was so easy for the toddler's to use and helped them learn basic shapes very quickly (the sticker has to be on top and push the triangle button. No, the square button stops your movie. Push the triangle button.) We didn't realize that DVD's were coming and have stacks of VHS tapes, great movies that we now overlook due to the inconvenience of no VCR or an antique VCR that won't play clearly. DVD's don't last very long, they get scratched, cracked and destroyed if left in the toddler's hands. I'm sure that there is some technology out there that would allow me to turn my old movies, home videos, and weeks of recordings of my soap opera and the mini-drama“V” into DVD's. But that gadget probably costs an arm and a leg and then what happens when DVD's are out and there is something new?

A Problem That I Have Had - DWC Day 27

Problems, problems, problems... They can be numerous. They can also be minimized with a change in viewpoint. I think that the biggest consistent problem that I have had throughout my life is my (erroneous) belief that love and relationships are based on looks and that mine weren't good enough.

What I have come to finally learn is that for every body type there is someone who is attracted to it and that love is based on what you see inside someone since what you see outside will change.

Because of that incorrect viewpoint, I have struggled with my weight for most of my life, never realizing (before) that the reason to eat healthy and exercise is to be healthy and live better and has nothing to do with the number on a scale or the size of your pants but has everything to do with the quality of ones life.

What Kind of Person Attracts Me - DWC Day 26

There are three ways that someone can attract me. Through their physical characteristics, their intelligence, and through their character. Physically, I like Hispanic men, tall and thin. I have a fairly low tolerance for people who don't use the brains that they were given. An education is fine, but intelligence is so much better. In their character, I appreciate someone who can find humor in life, is kind, views children as precious, and believes in the value of family.

Someone Who Fascinates Me and Why - DWC Day 25

I took an extra day on this one because I couldn't figure out who fascinates me. My daughter and grand-kids fascinate me for where they came from and who they are becoming.  My boyfriend fascinates me because he tries and he loves me which I find fascinating all by itself.  But I think to really do this subject justice I'll have to go with someone famous. I have seen many public figures as fascinating. Some I have appreciated for their sheer beauty like Orlando Bloom or Marilyn Monroe. Some I have idolized for the life they were given and how they struggled to overcome such as Helen Keller and Anne Frank. Many people I follow for their physical talents like Mikhail Baryshnikov or Michael Phelps. But what I most appreciate in others is their minds. Brilliant people are in abundance throughout history (though the not so brilliant are in greater abundance): Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Benjamin Franklin, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates. The person who most fascinates me is Nikolai Tesla.

Nikola Tesla was born in 1856 in what is now Croatia and came to the U.S. In 1884. He worked briefly for Thomas Edison until their inventions became competitive. He was censored and controlled through poverty, the government, and through the interests of business moguls like J.P. Morgan.

Tesla invented alternating current (the standard of electrical power), how to harness and distribute light (including florescent bulbs, neon signs, ), the Tesla coil, x-rays, radio, remote control, the electric motor, robotics, the laser, wireless communications, and limitless free energy. Tesla had hundreds of patents and a multitude of other ideas and inventions that remain unreleased.

Tesla fascinates me for being a man of invention and a man of character who has changed the world for the better and could have done so much more for humanity if his ideas weren't held back.

For more information on Tesla and his genius (displayed and suppressed), please visit: Release Tesla Research and Tesla Universe