Life Changes

I've been mostly unemployed for 10 months now.  Most of my problem is that I don't know where I want to go from here...what I want to do with the rest of my life.  I'm single and my daughter is a married adult now, so I'm not tied down except when I NEED time with my wonderful grandson.  In the quest to figure out where my life is going I have talked to friends, rewritten my resume twice, attempted a move to California that included a period of homelessness in my car, avoided talking to my relatives, taken a temporary position as a substitute teacher, and read lots of books.

Most of the books were for avoidance purposes.  Lovely fantasies and murder mysteries designed solely to keep me in a different world where it doesn't matter if I can help my daughter with the bills or fill my gas tank.  But one book, Have a New You by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman, actually got me working in the right direction.  The author's purpose seems to be to have the reader find out who they really are so they can become who they want to be.  I got a notebook and following the activities in the book I listed my positive and negative personality traits, listed how I work with others and what I need to change in my work relationships, how I behave with family members and in love relationships and what I don't like about those interactions.  There were more activities, but those were the highlights.  It did take longer than a week to complete.


As I was plodding through the book, I realized that Leman left out something very important for working toward creating real change in our lives.  The main thing I think he forgot is to teach us to write goals, specifically SMART goals, and to review them daily so we know the plan at all times.  He briefly mentions goals, but doesn't say how to write them or utilize them.


Not long after finishing the steps in Have a New You by Friday, and after setting goals in the various areas of my life that I wanted to change, I was driving to my subbing job, listening to a radio talk show called Evolving You.  I'm a bit embarrassed to say that its an astrology based talk show, but she does have some very good advice.  One woman called in to the show to ask what to do with her life and the host, Dawn Falbe said that the woman needed to write out what her perfect day would look like.  She said that since you are writing what your ideal image of your day would be that you don't need to stress about time and place unless that is part of your day being perfect.  My perfect day would probably take a few more hours than are in a typical Earth day.  I finished writing that today.  My perfect Utopian day would be a beautiful thing neatly incorporating family and work with luxurious meals in pleasant scenic locations and enjoyable exercise.

Last night I spoke to a friend in a situation similar to mine.  He said that he figured out that he spent so much of his life helping others that now he has to go through a selfish phase and do things for the love of himself.  He said that he's not willing to do things that don't make him happy anymore.  He talked about loving water and wanting to spend a lot time showering with good smelling soaps and really loving his body with healthy foods and lowering the stress in his life.  He stated that he didn't want to work for a company that did nothing but cause him stress anymore.  His fondest wish is to be an entrepreneur with his own schedule and control of his life.  Along the same lines, that same night I read the Tudor City Girl Blog titled Sometimes the Bad Things are the Best Things (March 23, 2011).  Its a great blog about Steve Jobs who said, "You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

So, I now know who I am.  I continue to work on my memories so I can know myself best.  I am setting goals to improve my health, finances, career, family, and relationships.  I am following through with those goals and am becoming more realistic about the time it takes to achieve things.  I now know the direction I would go if money wasn't a controlling factor.  I'm on my way towards doing what I love and I refuse to settle even with poverty and homelessness looming like the grim reaper.