I know, I know, it's a wee bit past Christmas. Mine was lovely. Here's what I wrote while I didn't have wi-fi...
The main reason I had the idea to write about the messages in
stories is an episode of House M.D. (Season 4, Episode 10:
It's a Wonderful Lie) where House says, “Gifts allow us to
demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person. And nothing
pisses off a person more than being shoved in the wrong pigeonhole.”
That seemed so deep and profound to me that I have thought of little
else since. I thought of it as I bought gifts for others, and I
thought of it as I opened the gifts that I received. I thought about
whether my family really knows me and I thought about if the man I'm
seeing really knows me. I didn't torture myself with it, because its
just one marker of the health of a relationship.
I have also recently come to the conclusion that others give us
what they themselves want. Don't take that too literally, because
there is a lot wrong with that statement. However, if you see (or
are in) a relationship where there is a clear mis-distribution of
power (from The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: “The one who
loves the least is the one with all the power.”), watch what they
do for each other...watch what they give to each other. The one who
initiates physical contact the majority of the time, even that hello
kiss, is the one who will end up heartbroken. The one who gives to
the other little things all the time...little gifts, brings them a
favorite drink-candy-whatever little token, is the one who you can
expect to lose. It's loving and thoughtful to reach out and to think
of the other person when they aren't with you, but if they aren't
doing the same, then you are doing too much.
I think that House is right. If you can't gift someone something
that shows that you know them and what they like or want or wish they
could get themselves, then what's the point. We give gifts to show
that we care for others and that they are important in our lives. A
gift that has been thoughtfully chosen shows that we care. Part B
is: Be careful with your heart, because if you give a great deal more
than what is given back to you then you will lose.
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